The New Fall Season
As Autumn rolls around and the chilly weather forces people inside, the television networks start to roll out the shows they hope will become the next Friends, The Osbournes, or hope beyond hope, Good Morning, Miami!. Of course, such success is rare, but the networks keep trying. Here are a few of their attempts this year.
I LOVE THE PEOPLE!
In this hilarious update of the classic sitcom, Lucy’s husband is still a bandleader, except this time he’s a leader of a band of rebels in the hills of Cuba. Every time he thinks victory is at hand, his nutty wife gets it in her head that she wants to be part of the revolution and hilarity ensues! See Lucy put on a beard and impersonate Fidel for a bunch of Chinese dignitaries. See the now classic moment when Lucy and her neighbor Ethel try to roll as many cigars as humanly possible before their supervisor beats them down with a whip. And of course, the recreation of one of Television’s most famous moments as Lucy gives birth to little baby Elian in front of a worldwide audience. Imagine the surprise when the audience sees he’s already a second grader. Lucy has some ‘splainin’ to do!
VERY DEBTFUL!
It’s the newest craze in reality TV! Watch the fun as couples trade each other’s debts for a month. Why do Marge and Steve suddenly have $30,000 in student loans to pay-off? Because Jim across the street just had to have that PhD in Comparative Literature that he can’t use! Why is Fat Rocco holding a gun to Clarence and Edith’s dog Pemberton? Because Bruce from Topeka just had to put $20,000 on the Eagles to cover the spread. The Eagles never cover the spread! Hey, I didn’t download $5,000 worth of lesbian porn! No, but Shirley from Trenton sure did!
THE THINGS PEOPLE FOUND IN THE BACK OF THEIR CLOSET ROADSHOW
On Sunday’s show, a man from Evansville brings in a Coke bottle with a picture of Bobby Knight that he swore he lost in 1978. A woman from Chicago shows the specialists a picture of her dog Commander Peppy, now dead some twenty years, and asks if they’ve ever seen anything “so darling”. A garage-door installer from Peoria brings in a hand made diorama depicting the momentous occasion when Loretta Lynn met Patsy Cline. In the quaint twang of a native Midwesterner, he asks the highly trained antique specialists, “That’s gotta be worth a thousand easy, huh?” PLEASE NOTE: Playing cards displaying pornographic material, though shown on many previous editions of this program, will not be shown on any further episodes.
DANCES WITH GUIDO
The wild, empty plains of New Jersey are invaded by Ivy League educated, Wasp-raised writer/director Kyle Anderson who is searching for the mythical Shaman of the Wiseguy. For as long as he could remember, Kyle’s wanted to be a director of gangster movies, but the closest he could get to the real Cosa Nostra was his Italian Studies class at Brown. Kyle tackles the dark heart of publicists, agents, studio executives and development girls who try to stop him from reaching his real gangster soul. In the first episode, Kyle takes a linguistics lesson from Joey the Hip. “Youse guys hafta take care of dis ding.” After the lesson, Joey gives him a screenplay he’s written about a gangster who wants to become a psychiatrist so he can meet more gangsters and move up in the business.
THE BOREDOM HEALER
In the tradition of Dr. Quinn and Trapper John, Charles Grodin stars as Tommy Konwicki, a mild mannered teacher from Indianapolis who becomes an unwitting miracle worker when it is discovered that the tedious drone of his voice actually cures most diseases in those who hear it. Watch him struggle with the realization that he is the most boring man who ever lived and the fact that his utter inescapable dreariness may save the universe from Charismatic man, who plots to wipe out mankind with his hypnotic charm. Never Fear! Tommy has a fascinating lecture to deliver on the inner workings of the Austrian government in the 19th century.
Have fun and keep on watching!
